


Bad Days

by WonderingsAndMusings



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF, Shiphaus
Genre: Drug Dealing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:47:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6588205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonderingsAndMusings/pseuds/WonderingsAndMusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt's past wasn't exactly lovely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Matt woke up, he knew it was going to be one of those days. It was going to be a day where he felt like he was floating above his body, a day where he wasn’t sure how he got from point A to point B. It wasn’t going to be a good day. 

He was resting his head on Sean’s chest, the steady beating of his heart helping ground him. Bruce had a arm around his waist, the warm body holding him down, helping to keep his mind quiet. He listened to the rest of his boyfriends snoring and breathing deeply.

Matt’s throat felt tight, it was hard for him to breathe. He laid in bed, confused as to why any of the six people in bed around him could ever love him.

“Why would they ever love me” Matt thought, “this has to be a joke. I’m not tall and beautiful like James and Adam, I’m not funny like Bruce and Joel. I’m not nice like Sean and I’m not strong like Lawrence. I’m nothing. I’m nothing but a short, shy, ugly person. I’m nothing. Nothing.”

These thoughts continued to swirl around his mind, heart starting to beat fast, breath coming in short, quick puffs. He didn’t realize he was crying until Sean wiped a thumb across his cheek. He didn’t say anything, just made sure to hold Matt tight to him. 

They all knew Matt had bad days, and no matter how much they told him they loved him, these days were still going to come. It was on these days when they would never leave Matt alone, always holding his hand or keeping his arm around him. They would whisper how much he means to them, and they would tell him how much they love him. They would try to keep Matt out of his head, keep him grounded, keep him with them.

On a regular day, Matt would know. Matt would have no doubt in his mind about his relationship with the others, but today was not a regular day. And Matt couldn’t explain it. Matt didn’t know what was going to make a good day and was was going to make a bad day. Matt only knew how hard the bad days were. He knew that on these bad days he wanted to run away from the relationship with the people he had grown to love.

It was hard for him to accept their love and affection. His home life had never been one where love had been shown to him, only the back of a hand and the bottom of a bottle. He didn’t know what it was like to be loved, all he knew was cold and anger and being not wanted. 

But now he had six people who loved him and wanted to make sure he knew he was loved. It was something new and foreign to him. And if he was honest, it scared him, even on his good days. His boyfriends didn’t know everything about his childhood yet, but they knew he didn’t talk to anyone he had lived with and that he left home as soon as he could.

Sean kept his arm around Matt as the others started to wake up. Matt had stopped crying but he was still shaking and his breath hadn’t quite evened out fully. Lawrence was the first to actually get out of bed, walking to the bathroom and turning on the shower. The others followed suit, stretching and getting out of bed. James leaned over Sean and kissed Matt’s forehead, “I love you Matt” he said in a croaky morning voice, before getting out of bed to join Lawrence in the shower.

Sean had to pee, and Matt could tell, his hand going a bit more rigid than it had been previously. So Matt turned to face Bruce instead curling into the larger man, knowing that thats what he should do when he is feeling this way, but wanting nothing more than to be able to run; buy a plane ticket to somewhere and start over. Bruce wrapped him up in strong arms and let one of his legs go over Matt in an attempt to keep him ever closer. Matt was breathing more evenly, chest rising and falling in time with Bruce’s, as he held tight to the thin t-shirt the man was wearing.

Bruce laid there with Matt while the others got dressed and ready for work around them. “We’ll see you guys at work” Adam called as they got ready to leave. “I love you.” And then the five were gone, getting ready for what would be a rough day at work.

“Matty,” Bruce said gently, testing out to see the full extent of the situation, “we don’t have to go in today if you don’t want to. We can lay here all day. I’d be happy to spend all day with you in my arms, my love.” He spoke softly and slower than normal, letting the words seep into Matt’s consciousness.

Matt didn’t respond for close to 15 minutes. “No, we should go to work. The others will worry if we don’t.” Matt’s voice sounded small and he made no move from where he was laying. His muscles were tense, but he wasn’t shaking anymore, which was a good sign Bruce decided.

“Okay, we’ll go in to work.” Bruce also didn’t move, waiting for Matt to get up. He was telling the truth when he said he would be happy to spend all day in bed with Matt.

After almost 30 minutes, Matt let go of Bruce’s shirt and started to move away, pushing the covers off of himself before walking into the bathroom. Bruce got up to follow and walked in while Matt was stepping into the shower. There was steam already rising out of the shower, a good sign. Matt tended to talk cold showers on his really bad days, the ones where he tried to disappear. 

“Mind if I join you?”

“Come on in. I guess. If you really want to” Matt had hardly finished before Bruce was in the shower with him, massaging his shoulders. They stayed in the shower just like that, Bruce rubbing his small lovers shoulders, letting the water wash over them.

“You feel so tense, love” Matt didn’t answer. “Christ, Matty, you mean the world to me, you know that right? You know we couldn’t live without you.” Matt stayed silent and turned to face his worried boyfriend. He didn’t know what to say because yes, Matt knew that Bruce and the others loved him his problem was that he didn’t know how to respond to that love and affection. 

Instead of speaking, Matt wrapped his arms around Bruce, hugging him as the water cascaded around them. He tried to put as much feeling into the hug as he could, he tried to make the hug say all the things he couldn’t.

“I know Matt. Please, though, we are here for you. We love you and we want you to be happy. Tell us what you need, Matt, and we will do it.” Bruce was trying. He was trying to tell Matt everything they had all talked about, but he couldn’t find the words. They were caught in his throat, and then flowing from him without end. “I love you. We love you. We all love you so much Matt. So much it hurts to see you like this. It hurts to see you hurting. We just want to make everything okay and we know we can’t and it hurts.” Bruce had tears in his eyes because he wanted Matt to know just how much he and the others cared. But he knew Matt was having one of his bad days. He knew that he couldn’t take Matt out of that mindset and it was killing him, it always killed him.

Matt wanted to say everything on his mind, he wanted to tell Bruce every detail about his past and about his childhood. He wanted to tell them all everything he had left unsaid for so long, the reason he always wore sweatshirts, the reason it took them so long to actually get him to join their relationship, the reason he had never out loud tells them he loves them. But he couldn’t. Not yet. Instead he stood in the shower, holding his boyfriend until the water ran cold.


	2. Chapter 2

Matt was dreaming about his past again. He was dreaming of what his life was like before he met all the guys. And he knew he was dreaming, but instead of waking himself up, he decided to watch the events play out that had lead him to the life he now had.

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Matt had never known what it was like to be loved. He had never known anything but the anger of his father, even before he came out at the age of 14. He thought he was dying and didn’t want to leave anything unsaid. He told his dad right before he went into surgery to remove the tumor from his stomach. He thought he was going to die. When he woke up in the hospital bed and was declared cancer free, it felt like a dream, he was thrilled.

As soon as he could go home, he did. He recovered nicely and started his freshman year of high school in the fall. Once his medical bills were paid, his dad told him to get out and never come back. That was fine by Matt, being thrown out was better than being beaten half to death every time his dad could afford a bottle.

He spent some time on the streets, he learned how to fight and what churches gave out the best lunches. He stayed in school for a while, trying to get his high school diploma. It was never his plan to drop out. But by the end of his sophomore year, he couldn’t get to class on time, couldn’t buy supplies, and needed a job worse than he needed the gym showers.

He started selling drugs, mostly heroin and cocaine. The rich college kids he was turning into addicts didn’t matter to him, he just needed the cash. They could afford to pay an extra $20 that he would pocket rather than give to the big boss. Most people came to him because he charged the least, others living out there with him charging $140 for a fucking gram. But the college kids were dumb and living off Mommy and Daddy’s money, so they could afford to pay $80 from Matt.

He wanted more from life than slinging cocaine. He saved up enough money to buy a bus ticket to L.A. From there, opportunities just fell into his lap. He ran into one of his friends from high school, Bruce, who gave him a place to sleep and a job.

“Matt, this isn’t charity. You’re going to have to pay rent. But I have a job opening at this new YouTube channel we’re starting for an editor. So I’ll show you some of the basics. You start on Monday.”

And the rest was history. He started editing videos for Funhaus, and eventually was in some videos. As soon as he had the regular paycheck, he moved out of Bruce’s apartment and into his own. It was strange for him, to have a place to sleep every night. He had his own bed for the first time in 15 years. 

He still wasn’t eating as much as he should, and it worried the guys he worked with. James often would toss him an apple or orange at sometime throughout the day. Adam would pack an extra peanut butter sandwich and leave it on his desk. Sean would bring him some chocolate pudding every Friday when he found out it was Matt’s favorite.

Matt started to put on a little weight, mostly in muscle, as he worked there. Over the first few months he worked in the Funhaus office, he was eating regularly, working out in a way that wasn’t breaking noses when he didn’t get paid, and getting regular sleep. He was surrounded by people who cared about him and he didn’t understand it.

In Matt’s mind, he was a nobody. He was the worst possible person. He was nothing special. And when his coworkers got into this big six person polyamorous relationship it affirmed to him that he wasn’t desirable or wanted. And Matt though he was okay with that. He would watch Sean set the pudding on his desk and then walk over to kiss Lawrence gently on the cheek before returning to his desk.

Matt felt like a seventh wheel while at work, starting to talk less and keep his head down more. He would work long hours, trying to get as much work done. He could feel the self hatred growing more and more every day. 

You were so dumb to think they cared about you. They could never love someone like you. You don’t even have a high school diploma. They are just doing this because they feel bad for you. You have no talent. You aren’t funny or smart or nice or attractive. You are here to make them feel better about themselves.

The rational part of Matt knew this wasn’t true. The only person who knew anything about his life was Bruce, and he didn’t know what had happened on the streets. He didn’t know about the scars littering Matt’s sides and back and legs, some from fights, some from accidents, and some from when he was trying to drown out the pain. He didn’t know about the drugs, the countless lives he had taken from selling them to kids he knew would OD or go into a blind rage and murder their friends. No one knew Matt’s secrets.

The day they asked him out was one Matt was sure never to forget. There was a note on his desk, Joel’s handwriting, asking him to meet the guys that night at their favorite bar downtown. How Joel knew Matt was going to the office on a Saturday was beyond him, but he resolved to be there promptly at 8pm, when the note said they would be there. He thought about calling Adam and asking what was up, but decided against it.

Maybe they're going to fire you. Maybe they found out about the drugs. They hate you.

Matt’s destructive thoughts swirled around in his mind for the rest of the day, and for once he was glad he had left his knife at home. It had been so long since the metal had danced across his skin, and he didn’t want to go down that path again, instead wanting nothing more than to disappear.

He made it through the day the way he used to, no food, little water, hair trigger on his temper, looking for a fight. But he didn’t want to show up to meet his coworkers with bloody knuckles. He started walking over to the bar at about 7:30 so he would get there a little after 8. That way he didn't seem so eager to get fired.

He walked in and straight back to the table they were waiting at. “Lets get this over with,” he mumbled to himself before sitting down. They looked nervous. He thought he might be sick.

Adam was the first one to say anything. “So, Matt. Fuck, how do I say this?” Matt was sure the worst was about to come. “But, you haven’t taken any of the hints so I guess just saying it is the best thing to do. Matt, we want to date you. All of us. We all want to date you.”

Matt sat there, eyes wide and mouth hanging open slightly. Those were not the words he expected to hear. He didn’t know what to say. He nodded.

“So, is that a yes? Is that a yes to going out with us?” Joel looked excited as he spoke. He was happy that the last member, the one he felt was missing, was going to be put in place. Joel had wanted to ask Matt to join their group from the beginning.

Matt nodded again, smiling slightly. Bruce threw his arm around the smaller man sitting beside him, and kissed him on the cheek. That was when things went wrong.

A tall, beefy, guy shouted at them from across the bar, “Fuck off with that gay shit before I go over there and beat your ass!”

Matt was standing up before anyone else had time to react. He had been itching for a fight for a while, and this fucker was the perfect excuse to split his knuckles on someone’s face. “How about we take this outside, Asshole.” And that was it. Matt was dragging this guy out by the collar before slamming him into the side of the building. The mans back slammed into the cold bricks as Matt threw a fist into his face.

Bruce ran out into the back alley after Matt just in time to see Matt’s knuckles splitting open and the strangers lip splitting. Matt ducked away from a punch, slamming his left fist into the mans ribs and then as the man doubled over he punched him in the temple, knocking him out.

Matt was breathing heavy as Bruce laid a hand on his shoulder. “Matt, holy fuck. I’m going to take you home and we are going to clean up your hand. You have that dudes blood on you.”

“What about the guys inside?”

“I’ll send them a text.”

Matt got in the passenger side of Bruce’s car, reaching into the glovebox to wipe some of the blood off his face and knuckles. They drove in silence to Bruce’s apartment. Matt starred out the window, thinking about where he could run too. He was thinking about how much he could fit into the duffle bag in his closet and if he had enough cash to make it somewhere far.

“Matt, I have some clothes that’ll fit you, lets get you out of these blood stained clothes.” Matt stayed silent as he walked into Bruce’s home. Bruce went to grab a pair of sweats and a t-shirt as Matt started running his hand under cold water. He had two cuts across the top of his knuckles, parallel to his fingers, that needed to be cleaned and bandaged.

“I got some gauze and medical tape too. Now let me take care of that.” Bruce placed the gauze between Matt’s fingers and up against the cuts. “Hold.” Matt did. Bruce taped the pads down tight. He wanted to keep the cuts from bleeding more than they were going to. It was a practiced movement. It had been a long time since Bruce had bandaged him up after a fight, freshman year of high school was the last time.

“You still do this better than anyone else I have ever known,” Matt spoke softly as he flexed his fingers, testing the wrap. “I’m going to change.”

“I wish you didn’t make me so good at that, Matty. Its been a long time since I’ve seen someone get that kind of a beat down.”

“Its been a long time since I’ve done that,” Matt said as he walked into the bathroom and shut the door. He took his blood stained shirt off and rinsed it in the sink, trying to get as much blood out as he could. It was one of the shirts James had got him, a light gray v-neck that James had said made him “Look beefed-up as fuck.” Did they really ask me out? Did I really say yes? Am I dating six other people? Matt smiled as he looked at himself in the mirror.

He put on Bruce’s shirt and sweats and walked out to the living area. “You know, Matty, I had the biggest crush on you freshman year. Thats why I learned how to tape up injuries. Because, I wanted to date the small boy with the bright eyes and the fists of steel.” Bruce was looking at him and smiling wide. “And now I am. Dreams do come true.”

Matt sat down on the couch next to Bruce, maybe a little closer than he normally would have. The rest of the guys came over shortly after that. Adam grabbed a few beers out of the fridge for those who were going to drink and they all fell into an easy conversation. Its the first time in a long time that Matt feels happy.

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Matt wakes up with his head in James’ lap and fingers scratching at his scalp lightly. “Good morning Sleeping Beauty,” James mumbled. Matt snuggled his face further into his boyfriends thigh. Some shitty Netflix movie was playing in the background of their now dark living room. Joel leaned over to kiss him gently.

“I love you guys,” Matt said sleepily, for the first time since entering into the big relationship almost five years ago. He opened his eyes and sat up on the couch. “I love you guys. Holy fuck, I love you.” He looked over at James and kissed him. “I love you!”

James was laughing. “I love you too, baby!”

They were all smiling as Matt went to kiss every single one of his boyfriends and tell them the three words he had been holding out on for so long.

“I can finally say it. I know its real. This is what love feels like,” he said into Bruce’s shoulder as he hugged him.

“This is real, Matty, we love you too."


End file.
